Is Marriage Better for Children?

Is it better for children that their parents are married and stay together than if they are bought up in a different family environment, such as by cohabiting parents or a single parent? Much of the evidence suggests that in an ideal world this is the case, but it is not always as simple as that.

Several studies have suggested that parents being married is better for children and they, on average, get better results at school and are less likely to turn to crime. This seems like an unfair generalisation though, and it does not have to be the case that children whose parents are not married, or don’t remain married, have less success.

Married Couples with Children

There is a case for suggesting that a stable family situation is good for children. They have a routine and are comfortable in their everyday lives. In many cases their parents being in a happy marriage is the best example of a stable family environment. However, parents staying together for the sake of the children – in an unhappy marriage – is not necessarily good for children. They can sense when things are not right and an unhappy family makes an unhappy child. So the simple statement that marriage is better for children is not always true.

Married Couples compared with Cohabiting Couples

It is often stated that children whose parents are married “do better” than children whose parents live together but are not married. But does this mean that cohabiting parents is negative as far as children are concerned? Not necessarily.

There can be a situation where the two parents are married to each other in a happy relationship. There can, though, also be a situation where parents are in a happy relationship but cohabiting rather than married, and remain together for the rest of their lives. As far as children are concerned, their upbringing in these two examples would be exactly the same, so surely there is no difference.

The difference may come in that cohabiting couples are more likely to separate, or so we are constantly told. Just because more cohabiting couples separate than married couples does not mean that they are separating because they are cohabiting. It is more likely that they have not got married because they were unsure if they were ready.

Divorce

Many feel that a divorce is bad for children. Some would argue it is best two married parent and their children live together in a happy and stable environment, but that doesn’t mean divorce is always bad for children. As already mentioned, remaining in an unhappy marriage is not a good thing, while a well handled divorce and aftermath doesn’t have to affect children negatively. There are ways of dealing with a divorce that doesn’t have a negative impact. If parents can continue to have an amicable relationship, don’t talk about each other in a negative manner, and both continue to have a close relationship with their children, then their influence can remain positive.

People have many different opinions on this subject, but the point is that family and the upbringing of children is not black and white. There may be statistics that tell us that one form of family or another is better for children but that does not mean other family environments cannot be just as successful.

Andrew Marshall ©

Family Law