When parent’s divorce, the relationship each parent has with their children can have a significant influence on their lives. This article looks at the importance and influence of a child’s relationship with his/her Father if he no longer lives in the family home.
In the UK around 9 in 10 single resident parents are female, meaning after divorce many children do not have daily contact with their Father. There is evidence to suggest that around a quarter of children never see a parent they don’t live with.
Just because a Father does not live with his children does not mean the relationship is not an important one. It is generally see as important that boys have a positive role model to look up to; a role that should be taken on by his Father. Whether or not this influence exists, as well as the nature of this influence, it can have an impact on a child’s behaviour as an adult.
There are potential negative impacts on a boy if his Father is not around, especially if there is no positive male influence in his life. As he doesn’t have a male role model he may not understand how he should behave. If in a female dominated household (possible with his Mother and Sisters) he may feel like he doesn’t have anyone to talk to about certain issues; that there is no-one who can understand his feelings. This can cause behavioural and other problems. It has been suggested that having no Father around can increase the chances of depression.
The issues for boys not having a Father figure may be more obvious, but it can also be important for girls. It can impact their relationships with men in the future. Not being in regular contact with a man means that a girl may not have the same understanding of female-male relationships as they might otherwise have.
Some studies have shown that the behaviour of boys is worse where there is no relationship with a Father. They are more likely to behave worse at school, more likely to turn to alcohol and drugs and more likely to commit a criminal offence. Of course, this doesn’t mean any child whose Father is not around will have these problems, but they are more common amongst Fatherless children than for children whose Father’s are in regular contact with them.
It is not just whether a Father is around that is important but the quality of the relationship and the specific influence he has. How much time they spend together is important; whether they have weekly contact or only see each other once in a blue moon. Children need someone to talk to about their problems so it is important that a Father is someone they can talk to, especially as there are issues that may require a male point of view.
If a Fathers influence is negative, on the other hand, then a relationship between Father and child is not necessarily a good thing. For example with a Son, negative behaviour from a Father may give them an idea of how to behave, but not the right way to behave. It may make certain unacceptable behaviour seem acceptable.
Children tend to want both of their parents involved in their lives. Some studies have reported that most children with separated parents think that the main negative influence of the breakup of their parents’ relationship is losing or having less contact with their Father. The vast majority want contact with their Father, this goes for both those who currently do have contact and those who do not.
How do step-Fathers come into this? Perhaps not surprisingly, evidence shows that relationships between step-Fathers and children are less close than between biological Fathers and their children. However in many cases it can grow into a positive relationship, they can become a positive role model. As with a biological Father, a relationship between a step-Father and children can influence their behaviour both negatively and positively.
Andrew Marshall (c)
Bross Bennet are Divorce Solicitors London.
Steel and Shamash are Family Law Solicitors.
Showing posts with label Fathers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fathers. Show all posts
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Why Do Couples With Daughters Divorce More Than Couples With Sons?
Recently published statistics have shown that more couple’s divorce if they have girls than if they have boys. Parents with one girl are 5% more likely to divorce than parents with one boy, while parents with three girls are 10% more likely to divorce than parents with three boys. Less divorced women remarry if they have girls and if they do they are more likely to divorce for a second time. There are also statistics to suggest that unmarried couples expecting a boy are more likely to get married than those expecting a girl. It is possible that these are just coincidences with only a 5% difference (with one child), but let’s explore some of the possible reasons that have been suggested for this.
REASON: Boys need a male role model more than girls do.
It is possible that parents may take this into consideration and fight for their marriage. Father’s may be less reluctant to leave if they feel this would have a negative impact on their son’s, while Mother’s might believe that a male role model remaining in the home is more crucial. Everyone needs role models and it could be argued that boys are more likely to look up to men and therefore use them as an example. A male role model within the home is only a good thing though, if it is a positive role model.
REASON: Men prefer to have sons.
Do men prefer to have sons over daughters? They are more likely to have certain things in common with boys, while women are more likely to have things in common with girls. For example Fathers may have dreams of playing sport will their sons. This could make men more likely to stay in their marriage, while women might be less reluctant to fight for a struggling marriage if they have more common interests with their daughter than with their husband.
REASON: A negative male influence can be bad for girls.
Some have suggested that if a Father is a negative influence then Mothers are more likely to worry about their daughters witnessing this. The most extreme cases with be those of abuse, either towards a man’s wife or children. Where this is the case she may want to remove her daughter from this environment for her own safety. Women may also be keen to be a positive influence on their daughters by showing that women shouldn’t have to stand for this kind of behaviour.
REASON: Women have a better understanding of girls.
Having experienced growing up as a girl themselves, women are more likely to understand what girls go through than men. This could mean they don’t think the Father figure is as important as a Mother figure, and therefore she doesn’t need a man to help her bring up her daughter.
REASON: Girls are easier to bring up.
There are arguments for both girls and boys being easier to being up (see boys below). If a Mother feels that it is easier to bring up girls she might be less willing to fight for her marriage, while if she thinks it would be harder to bring up a boy she might be more willing to attempt to keep the marriage going if she has a son.
REASON: Boys are easier to bring up.
Some who believe that boys are easier to bring up may think that a marriage is more likely to last if a couple has a boy. Is it possible that girls can put more strain on a relationship?
REASON: Girls offer Mothers more emotional support.
Some Mothers have a strong emotional relationship with their daughters. They may therefore believe they no longer need a man for emotional support. They might come to the opinion that even if they divorce they will always have the support of their daughters.
Many of these are generalisation, and things will be different in every family situation. Something that is true for some families may have no influence on others. It could be argued that both boys and girls are better off in the perfect world if they have positive male and female role models; that one will show them how they should behave while the other will mean they respect the opposite gender. If there is a reason for more divorce amongst couples who have girls it seems likely that it is a combination of reasons depending on the particular family, as there seems to be no single reason that is likely to have such an impact in a significant number of cases.
Beatrice Sareen (c)
Beatrice Sareen Divorce
REASON: Boys need a male role model more than girls do.
It is possible that parents may take this into consideration and fight for their marriage. Father’s may be less reluctant to leave if they feel this would have a negative impact on their son’s, while Mother’s might believe that a male role model remaining in the home is more crucial. Everyone needs role models and it could be argued that boys are more likely to look up to men and therefore use them as an example. A male role model within the home is only a good thing though, if it is a positive role model.
REASON: Men prefer to have sons.
Do men prefer to have sons over daughters? They are more likely to have certain things in common with boys, while women are more likely to have things in common with girls. For example Fathers may have dreams of playing sport will their sons. This could make men more likely to stay in their marriage, while women might be less reluctant to fight for a struggling marriage if they have more common interests with their daughter than with their husband.
REASON: A negative male influence can be bad for girls.
Some have suggested that if a Father is a negative influence then Mothers are more likely to worry about their daughters witnessing this. The most extreme cases with be those of abuse, either towards a man’s wife or children. Where this is the case she may want to remove her daughter from this environment for her own safety. Women may also be keen to be a positive influence on their daughters by showing that women shouldn’t have to stand for this kind of behaviour.
REASON: Women have a better understanding of girls.
Having experienced growing up as a girl themselves, women are more likely to understand what girls go through than men. This could mean they don’t think the Father figure is as important as a Mother figure, and therefore she doesn’t need a man to help her bring up her daughter.
REASON: Girls are easier to bring up.
There are arguments for both girls and boys being easier to being up (see boys below). If a Mother feels that it is easier to bring up girls she might be less willing to fight for her marriage, while if she thinks it would be harder to bring up a boy she might be more willing to attempt to keep the marriage going if she has a son.
REASON: Boys are easier to bring up.
Some who believe that boys are easier to bring up may think that a marriage is more likely to last if a couple has a boy. Is it possible that girls can put more strain on a relationship?
REASON: Girls offer Mothers more emotional support.
Some Mothers have a strong emotional relationship with their daughters. They may therefore believe they no longer need a man for emotional support. They might come to the opinion that even if they divorce they will always have the support of their daughters.
Many of these are generalisation, and things will be different in every family situation. Something that is true for some families may have no influence on others. It could be argued that both boys and girls are better off in the perfect world if they have positive male and female role models; that one will show them how they should behave while the other will mean they respect the opposite gender. If there is a reason for more divorce amongst couples who have girls it seems likely that it is a combination of reasons depending on the particular family, as there seems to be no single reason that is likely to have such an impact in a significant number of cases.
Beatrice Sareen (c)
Beatrice Sareen Divorce
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)